In this post, I will share my experiences dealing with impostor syndrome and the steps I took to overcome it. This has been something that I’ve experienced in both my professional and personal life.
Definition of Imposter Syndrome: Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. (https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome, Accessed 14/01/20)
To me, ‘Imposter Syndrome’ is the feeling that you’re not good enough despite the evidence that you are. So when you’re in places of success or things are going well you ‘feel’ out of place, like you shouldn’t be there. You feel like one day you’re going to be exposed and have everything taken from you. I have experienced imposter syndrome in the past – it has been self-sabotaging to say the least.
I believe Imposter Syndrome is learned behaviour: people around you impose their limiting beliefs on you and can speak so negatively that you begin to doubt yourself. This can be in the form of family members, friends, teachers or work colleagues. So every time you step of your comfort zone you feel vulnerable like I shouldn’t be there.
The first time I experienced imposter syndrome I was at secondary school, wanting to be considered cool/tough/bad had me doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing. Growing up like this inspired me to reflect on the need for more positive role models (link to previous post), because I didn’t have a lot of positive influences around me I started looking towards the wrong people as role models. I wanted the notoriety that my cousins had: I knew I wasn’t built like that but pretended and behaved as if I was. I remember being in my late teens thinking it’s only a matter of time until I go to jail, not because I was exceptionally bad, but it seemed that was the path a lot of people around me were going down. There are a lot of negative comments about the youth of today, but I could never judge them because I understand where they’re at. In most cases imposter syndrome has influenced them to the point they don’t know who they are yet. But the scary thing for me is by the time they realise who they truly are that it may be too late because of the life choices they’ve made.
It’s only by God’s grace that I didn’t get into any serious trouble and made it to university. The change in environment switched everything around. I felt like my ceiling had risen. The first day at university I remember wanting to go straight back home to my comfort zone. Luckily I resisted and after a while, I adjusted and some of the limiting beliefs I had started to evaporate.
Despite the positives, at university Imposter Syndrome again reared its ugly head. I was one of the first from my immediate family to attend university, despite getting the grades I just felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. Everyone just seemed smarter than me, I was studying Business Information Systems and coding seemed like a foreign language to me. In addition to that everyone had this idea of who they expected me to be. I remember one time I attended a Bible study, some of the people were shocked I was there in the first place and more in shock that I was participating. I remember hearing “I thought you were totally different”. But despite the challenges, I just continued to show up every day.
The most serious feelings of Imposter Syndrome have definitely come in my working life. Being an ethic minority my mind was always wondering, am I here because I deserve to be here, or because they need to hit a diversity quota? When I switched careers from recruitment to testing the feeling of being an imposter intensified. I was managing people who I “felt” knew more than me, so I was constantly thinking, these guys are going to realise I don’t know anything. But I knew a lot and in hindsight they didn’t know as much as they proclaimed to, they were just confident talkers. In that particular situation, I had to remind myself I was hired for my management skills, not my technical skills, but worked on improving my technical skills out of work hours. Fast forward a couple of years and I was now in a senior position. The feeling kicked in again to the point of me not knowing how to act – I was being assigned work I shouldn’t be doing (maybe there was a slight bit of arrogance added there too). It resulted in me being put on probation, I had to go back to the basics of doing the work and getting out of my own head. The scary thing about imposter syndrome is the fact that it is all mental, you can begin to imagine scenarios and slowly start to manifest them if you’re not careful, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The most important thing to know is that as you get older and more enlightened this feeling of Imposter Syndrome will slowly start to disappear. It’s all mental, to get rid of the self-doubt you need to build up your self-confidence.
How to deal with Imposter Syndrome
Rewrite your story – You have to tell yourself a different story, instead of expecting the worst, expect the best. In my mind, I’m a superhero, and I truly believe it, and if you’re around me you will see I move like it. Instead of you thinking that you don’t deserve to be there, start reminding yourself of everything you have done to be there. I know I have put in the work, so my confidence isn’t fake, the source is the work I’ve put in.
Positive Affirmations – In so many books it speaks of the power of positive affirmations, I used to think it was nonsense but I can’t recommend it anymore. Growing up I heard a lot of negative comments, to repair and build my self-confidence I had to encourage myself. I practice it daily alongside prayer and meditation.
Recognise a lot of people are bluffing – One thing I’ve realised is a lot of people are bluffing. They probably know less than you. But due to nepotism, they are in positions they shouldn’t be in. So understand you do deserve to be in the room, and the fact that you are may scare them.
Realise your other strengths – The saying is true, your greatest asset is you. During work and university, I was forced to rely on my other strengths. My ability to network, my ability to orate, and my ability to collate and present information. My other skills proved more valuable than my book smarts.
See failing as a learning experience – Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of the process. But what I try to do now is learn from every mistake I make. My motto is no mistakes in life, only lessons.
Continue to sharpen your saw – My go-to action whenever I feel imposter syndrome approaching, is taking time to process why? In some cases the reason may be valid – I need to learn more. So whenever I have felt this way I have taken the time to learn, During university and while studying, I’ve continued to learn more and address areas I want to improve.
Have a support system – I think a problem within our community is the lack of safe places, fortunately for me, I have been blessed to have mentors and networks where I can share my thoughts.
Understand the process – My role requires me to constantly learn about technologies I know nothing about. I’ve done it so much that I’m no longer scared of the unknown. It’s part of the process. I know eventually I will know everything I need to.
Understand who you are – This part is crucial, take the time to study yourself, truly understand who you are and the unapologetically be you! In the workplace, I don’t feel I have to speak all the time to prove I’m smart. Only when it’s necessary, this has come from understanding who I am and being comfortable in my own skin.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Have you ever felt imposter syndrome? What did you do to overcome it?
Remember, you’re the architect of your life.