Do you even know what you’re saying I do to? This post will explore the reasons why I’m scared of marriage.
There are so many beautiful things about marriage such as having your best friend as a life partner, building a dynasty together and just having someone to experience the wins and losses of life. But I would be lying if I said that marriage doesn’t scare me.
I feel like I’ve seen too much. I’ve witnessed a colleague plan her wedding for 2 years, only to get married and divorced within 12 months and start a new relationship with her “work bestie”. I witnessed a married man go on holiday and move crazy the whole trip, he transformed into someone else. We are living in a different time which has been magnified with social media. We are in a time where everyone is a baller or has the perfect body. All of a sudden a reasonable salary is not respectable, nor is a normal body. This can result in you not appreciating the blessings you do have, but simply focusing on what you think is missing. 9 times out of 10 once you get what you thought you wanted you quickly realise it’s not what you need at all.
I’m scared of the marriage falling apart, I’ve seen kids go down dark paths because their parents separated. The best marriages I saw growing up were all on TV. My Wife and Kids, The Cosby Show and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The problem was I didn’t know anyone living like that. My mum and dad split when I was young, fortunately, they managed to have an amicable break-up which meant both remained in our lives, but even in that I know if my dad was around full time me and my brothers would be completely different. My dad kept us in line and the only time we could act up was when he wasn’t around. Some of my friend’s parents stayed together but sleeping in different rooms, some dads were “starting a business back home” (yeah right) and for others, the whole household considered their dad a clown.
I had a friend who was a contractor and had amassed £150,000 cash in his business account, he and his wife were going through a rough patch. She was down as a director for the company so she went and took out everything. Nothing he could do about it. The guy was on the verge of having a breakdown. It’s scary because the person you love the most is also the person that knows how to hurt you the most.
I remember the day one of my friends shattered my expectations of marriage, he was a newlywed and I was visiting him in America. A couple of mins into the conversation he was complaining that his love life was non-existent, I was shocked in my mind I always thought in a marriage, the love life would be popping. He said everything changed a couple of months into the marriage. He was then complaining that his wife had put on weight since they got married. In reality, she hadn’t, she was going to the gym 5 times a week leading up to the wedding and she just chilled afterward. He had put on weight too, but he was also blaming that on her, apparently she had promised to cook once they got married but they were living off pizza every night. From them both, I learned that you have to always be the best you possible not just for your partner but for yourself. Also, everyone should let their expectations be known from the start.
If you have got this far you probably think I’m not going to get married, and you’re wrong. I’m looking forward to it. I’m scared of heights, I still get on planes, I was scared of freelancing but it was the best decision I made. Being scared shouldn’t ever stop you. Furthermore, remember other people’s outcomes don’t determine yours. But where possible learn from other people’s mistakes.
I do feel a lot of the time we focus so much on the positives that we don’t take the time to address the negatives. And when they pop up we appear shocked and want to throw in the towel. You need to know what your concerns are and have those conversations as early as possible.
You’re the architect of your life…