“Everybody look at you strange, say you changed like you work that hard to stay the same” – Jay-Z
Sometimes I look in the mirror and say you’re a good looking brother you know, but most of the time I look in the mirror and I’m just thankful. Despite everything, I know how blessed I am. This has been down to luck, making necessary changes. The two are interlinked, The more positive changes I made, the luckier I got. This post will explore the changes I had to make, why I felt I had to make them and how I made them.
Mentality
There is a saying: As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. I think we sometimes neglect the impact of our thoughts and words. Looking back at my younger years I used to think so negatively, probably a combination of environment and words spoken to me. I always expected the worst, and rarely tried because I used to think what’s the point? It’s hard to shake off limiting beliefs, even harder to break away from spiteful things people can say. What has helped me is positive affirmation, from myself and from others.
I made positive affirmations a part of my daily routine, I turned that inner voice to an inner coach, I am still hard on myself but in a positive way. I have people around me that both inspire and encourage me, people naturally want to live up to their expectations. It’s better to tell him; ‘Kings don’t act like that’, as opposed to calling him a “Kwasia” (Twi for dummy).
While I welcome positive criticism, I limit my interaction with haters. because the sad truth is that some people don’t want you to succeed, some are insecure about you doing better than them, because there are times when your success serves to magnify their failures.
I also had to break my bad habits, for years I suffered from mouth ulcers due to eating foods that I knew I shouldn’t. All I had to do was just stop eating certain foods, but I had a weak spot for sweet stuff. But the last time I got one, the pain was so I promised myself it would be the last time. I completely changed my diet and have been fine since. My point is that we know some of the changes we need to make, you just need to have the mental courage to do it.
Setting Goals
I believe in the power of goal setting, it’s something I started doing properly at around 25. Before that, I was guilty of making resolutions and then forgetting about them by March. It wasn’t until I became completely frustrated about where I was in life that I started to take everything more serious.
I set out my goals, assigned deadlines, make a plan to achieve them, a way to be accountable and a why. Without a deadline it’s a dream, without a plan it’s just talk, accountability keeps you focused and without a why you won’t do it. All of my goals are on an excel file that I review each day, I try to put positive pressure on myself, little bets with friends or announce my goal in my Whatsapp group.
They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, so I try to form positive habits connected to my goals, for example, my morning runs. With the right routine in place, you can achieve almost anything you want but never forget to enjoy the process. The end destination seems cool at the start but the reality is the beauty is in the process. I’m thinking of doing a blog post sharing my goals – so you can all hold me accountable.
Discipline
To me, being disciplined is how you achieve your goals. Initially, I wasn’t disciplined at all, I had a carefree attitude and as a result my life was… ‘meh’. So I started to set goals, but to achieve them I had to be disciplined. I see discipline like a muscle, you can build it up slowly. So I started off small, just making my bed first thing in the morning, as mentioned before the plan is to make sure I do it for a min of 21 days and hopefully it becomes automatic after that. Once you have a habit in place, slowly build on it, and it’s not always just a case of developing habits, sometimes it’s about replacing bad ones.
Reading
I’m a strong believer that reading will literally transform your life if you’re prepared to action what you read. We are living in the information age, whatever problem you’re facing, there is a book to help you. Reading is another muscle you need to train. Just be consistent in your approach. Pick books that interest you be it novels, self-help, personal finance or comics, there are gems in everything. I haven’t mentioned videos or audio books not because I don’t see them as useful, but to me there is a power in reading, hence why I started a blog not a Youtube channel. But above everything, the most important thing is taking in that information and applying it.
Finances
“Why don’t schools teach us about finance and credit”. Because they don’t, simple. There is no point crying about it, do something about it. Get educated about finances, I’d strongly recommend starting with The Richest Man in Babylon. But there is literally so much information out there, take the strategies and apply what’s relevant to your life and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, competition is the thief of joy. Your running your own race, so just focus on you.
Health/Fitness
At the start, being in shape was more for vanity reasons, but as time went on the gym and running contributed more to my mental well being more than anything else. Running provided me with time to clear my mind and the gym helped deal with stress and anxiety. But the most important thing about the gym and running, is that it shows you the power we all have within, if you can transform your body, why can’t you transform your life? It’s so much deeper than a six- pack.
Faith
I’m always nervous about speaking on my faith because I know I’m not the finished article, but the moment you mention you’re a Christian, people want you to be perfect, and I’m definitely not that. But you can’t experience everything I have in this life and not believe in God. Over time I have been trying to understand his words better, simply by reading the Bible. At the start I would just listen to sermons and take in the message, this is cool. But nothing beats taking the word directly. To do this I joined a bible studies classes and attended training programmes. The experience has been amazing and played a huge part in improving my mindset., but I’m still not at the point of quoting scriptures like that.
Friendships
You’re probably expecting me to say cut off all your friends that don’t contribute to your growth, and quote the old cliche saying of ‘Iron sharpens Iron’. But no, I believe there are people that build you up, and there are people that you have to build-up. Our community can’t prosper if the ones with potential run away from the ones that need guidance. I try to spend time with reasoning with some of the guys in my area, work with them to find better opportunities, and try to explain that the fast money is cool, but not worth the problems it brings. I’m also more open to making new friends, I used to only really chill with the guys I had grown up with, but over the years I’ve made the effort to create new friendships, Nnamdi and Charles both pop to mind, I connected with them a few years back but the bond we have, you would think we are brothers . They’ve both held me accountable in regards to my career and making me a better person and for that I am grateful.
Writing this piece made me realise the way each part is interlinked, but the starting point has to be you wanting better for yourself and being willing to do the work.What changes have you had to make? What has resonated with you?