Yeah I talk about my mom, but shout out to my dad, would drive me to school every single chance he had, Tell me about the crazy girls and all about his past, And gave me the talks that made me to a man – Big Sean
Every day I’m thankful for my parents, few would ever make the sacrifices my mum has made. But if it wasn’t for my dad I would have been lost. We haven’t always seen eye to eye but I truly love and respect my dad. He forced me to work on my character, he didn’t give me fish, he made me a fisherman. The lessons he taught me I hold on to this very day.
I’ve recently been reading a book called “Lessons from a self-made merchant to his son” by George Horace Lorimer, the book is a series of letters from a father to his son, reading this book forced me to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned from my father. In this post, I will touch on the 10 most important lessons I’ve learned from my Dad.
Lesson 1 – Put God first
I grew up in a Christian household, my dad was a preacher for a small local church. My weekends consisted of reading and debating the bible, and we needed to memorise Psalm 91. I didn’t realise it at the time but those weekends instilled a moral compass in me that I could never shake off. I can never proclaim to be a saint, but what has always kept me from getting into serious trouble was my belief in God. When times get hard, I lean on God, not my own understanding, I make my prayers daily and have faith that they’ll be answered. My dad made sure I had a relationship with God, which is probably the greatest lesson a father can give their son.
Lesson 2 – Be self-sufficient – Let no one bluff you.
I recall at a very early age, my Dad saying “Ross, let me teach you how to cook, so no one can ever bluff you”. This principle far exceeds cooking, it’s about being self-sufficient. My dad always stressed the importance of being able to do for self, he would say you don’t need to master everything but at least know how things work. This is a principle I have applied to virtually everything, for example, coding has always been a skill I have struggled to grasp, but I can look at code and understand what is happening. I take pride in being self-reliant.
Lesson 3 – Never stay until the end. (Know when to leave)
My dad was never a fan of me raving, or staying out late, his advice was if I insist on going just make sure you leave before the end. In the early 80s (I think) when he arrived in the UK he was out with some friends, and towards the end of the night he was dancing with a girl, this made some racist men very upset, and one of them ended up attacking my Dad with a bottle. My dad never blamed the girl or the racist men, he blamed himself. He knew he should have left but decided to stay at the club later than he planned. If you have been around me you know that I rarely stay anywhere until the end because 9 out of 10 times that’s when the problems start or when you’re asked to help clean up! There have been a couple of times where I have left the venue early and the next day I’ve found out an incident has happened that probably would have involved me if I stayed. But this lesson isn’t just about clubbing, over the years I have watched people stay in companies longer than they should have and it has robbed them of their dreams. You know when something is no longer serving you, and be brave enough to walk away when that’s the case.
Lesson 4 – Be careful who you make your life partner – Are they qualified?
My dad would always stress the importance of picking the right life partner. The person you marry can make or break you he would often say. He would stress the importance of studying someone’s character, and not making allowances because of looks, he would encourage me to read Proverbs 31 which is a scripture detailing how a king should reign and the second part describes attributes of a good woman.
He would stress the importance of love and what it means to be a husband. Although my mum and dad’s marriage eventually ended, they’ve managed to maintain a good relationship, and have continued to respect each other despite not being together. I have seen the ugly side of divorce and breakups, but as long as I listen to my pops’ words, that will never be my portion.
Lesson 5 – Education is freedom
Education is freedom, I thought those words came from my Dad, but I’ve now realised he borrowed those words from Nelson Mandela. I spent most of my school days thinking of schemes to get money, not knowing that education could bring me everything I wanted. Education doesn’t necessarily mean school, but it means focusing and studying a topic. Fortunately, my Dad was big on studying just as he was with the bible. The regime he put me in had me ahead in most of my classes and getting A’s for my homework. But the moment my mum and dad split my grades slipped, but eventually I was able to discipline myself and get focused again. As long as you’re prepared to master a craft, you will never be hungry.
Lesson 6 – Discipline yourself – If you can discipline yourself, no one can control you
My Dad was very big on discipline growing up, but his hope for us is that we would eventually discipline ourselves. I used to be so mad at my dad waking me up at 5 am, but those early starts allowed me to get so much done. Discipline is often seen in a negative light. Discipline isn’t punishment, its delayed gratification for better rewards. My Dad would always say if you don’t learn to discipline yourself, the world will end up disciplining you. I strive to have as much control over my day as I can.
Lesson 7 – Be careful of your friendships – Remember Brutus and Judas
Not everyone you call your friend is your friend. I would hear this all the time but never took it seriously. But y dad was right, not everyone around you is your friend, you need to be able to discern between friends and acquaintances. I’ve made countless excuses for friends when the reality is they had shown me who they were. My dad would always say pick your friends like Jesus, he had 12 disciples but was close with 3, Peter, James, and John.
Lesson 8 – Never let your talking exceed your actions – Little talking, maximum action
Win through actions, nobody respects a talker, my dad raised us to make sure that our actions always exceed our talking. If you’re really about what you say you’re about people will see it. I’m often asked why am I so quiet, it’s not because I’m shy, but if you’re around me, for long enough, you will see everything I am about from my actions.
Lesson 9 – Character is more valuable than money
My Dad was big on making sure that our character was always on point. To me character is who you are when no one is watching. Talent will get you in the room, but your character is what will keep you there. He would stress the importance of reputation, and constantly remind us it takes years to build but it can be lost in seconds
Lesson 10 – Be humble in everything you do.
Be humble in everything you do, I’ve always had an extremely competitive nature, and growing up I wasn’t a gracious winner, I wanted to win and had to let everyone know that I won. My Dad would tell me that all I am doing is making enemies and he was right. My attitude had created enemies and resentment from some of my friends, winning is enough, you don’t need to rub it in everyone’s face. The moment I learnt to humble myself, I saw so many doors open for me.
What lesson(s) resonated with you most?
What lessons did you learn from your parents?