Mind Richer Than Pockets

Archives for December 2019

Thing’s I’m Leaving In 2019

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On the 8th of December 2019, I sat down with some friends to catch up over a Christmas dinner. The main discussion: how 2019 was for each of us. To my surprise, everyone had a tough year. I left thinking how can I make things different in 2020? Often we focus on what we need to do differently but sometimes we have to let things go.

In this post, I will explore ten things I’m leaving in 2019. If you catch me breaking any of the 10 below and have a witness, I will personally donate £100 to a charity of your choice.

  1. Pointless arguments.

Some people think I’m the quietest person in the world, but those that truly know me know that’s far from the truth. In the past, I have struggled to walk away from confrontation/arguments. This has done me more harm than good. I’ve clashed with friends and family to the point of not speaking; I’ve acted out of character, focusing on winning the argument rather than what’s right and I’ve said things that can’t be taken back. 

For this change to truly happen I need to let go of my ego. Although my ego has allowed me to overcome so many obstacles, it has also driven me down the wrong road too many times. From now on, you won’t be able to bait me into an argument, I will either share my thoughts and let time decide, or I simply won’t respond.

     2. Excuses

Often it’s easy to blame situations and people rather than take accountability. Most of the things that have gone wrong for me this year are purely down to bad decision making. I have found myself getting angry at the by-products of my decisions rather than being mad at the root cause: myself. Even if you’re not in direct control of a situation, you’re in full control of how you respond. So no more excuses, I will be taking full accountability for the good and the bad.

     3. Proving myself to others

“Tell me I can’t, so I can embarrass you”. This has literally been my mentality forever, the same way I loved to argue, I loved to prove people wrong. This way of thinking can lead to doing things that are not conducive to growth. I feel more at peace with who I am as a person, and when you are truly at peace with who you are as a person, there is nothing to prove to anyone. How others see you is none of your business, how you see yourself is everything.

     4. Keeping people at a distance

I’ve always struggled to let people in: growing up I have seen friends betray friends, and partners try to destroy each other when things fell apart. I remember telling an ex-partner something personal, and when we had a little argument she told her friends. We tried to come back together but in my heart, I just felt I could never trust her which eventually destroyed the relationship. Since then I have been very guarded with my personal life – I may open up but it’s been in a very controlled way I am comfortable with. I acknowledge that for a relationship to grow you need to be vulnerable and open up. I can’t let the fear of being hurt, block the chance of love.

     5. Always thinking the worst.

My mind naturally drifts to worst case scenarios quite often, then I’m in shock when things go right. This has sometimes stopped me from taking risks because I have predetermined the outcome. But everything we want is on the other side of fear, thinking positively guides a positive outcome.

    6. Not having boundaries in place.

This year I have learned the importance of boundaries: some people will take a mile if you give them an inch. There have been a couple of occasions where I have wondered how they’ve felt so comfortable to overstep boundaries, but the reality is I have made them feel that way. I would love to help everyone, but I need to do it with the necessary boundaries in place in order to preserve my focus.

     7. Being more thankful

I pay way too much attention to what I don’t have as opposed to what I do. The moment I achieve something I can’t bask in the glory, I’m automatically focused on what’s next. This has resulted in me rarely feeling content with my progress/ achievements. I’m trying to get to a place where I can strive and still be thankful for where I’m at.

     8. Letting fear hold me back

There are a couple of things that I didn’t do this year because of fear. I’m someone that needs to know the outcome before taking any steps, but this can limit growth. I’ve decided I would rather live saying ‘oh well’ than wondering ‘what if’.

     9. Not being direct.

I’ve put myself in some awkward situations just by not being direct. I’ve always felt there is a thin line between being direct and being rude. Out of fear of coming across rude, I’ve avoided being direct. This has resulted in me being in some uncomfortable situations, so I’m going to be more direct and decisive.

     10. Saying No

In 2020 I’m going to be saying “No” a lot more. Not because I don’t care, but because I respect the fact that my resources are not infinite. I need to be smart with how I manage them. I have found myself in places I didn’t want to be, doing things I didn’t want to simply because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by saying no.

It looks like 2020 will be a year of unapologetic risk-taking and pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone. I’m looking forward to what’s to come.

The journey will be documented.

What do you need to leave behind in 2019?

Before We Get New Stories, We Need New Role Models

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Recently I went to watch the Blue Story movie, a modern-day love story with a street element. The movie is centred around two friends Timi and Marco, who due to conflicting postcodes become enemies. I thought the movie was amazing and personally connected with it on so many levels, I remember just playing football with friends, fast forward a couple of years we have problems just because we are from different areas. I remember the journeys to school navigating through some many different ends all of which have problems from each other. The postcode war has been going on long before me and will continue if we do nothing about it. I’ve seen friends gone to jail and the loss of lives over what a postcode?  We have to save us. The reality is before we get new stories, we need new role models.

In this post, I will explore why the perceived heroes in our communities need to change before anything progresses.

For a long time trap stars, bad boys, hustlers and gangsters have been the heroes and influencers in our community. Guys wanted to be like them and girls wanted to be with them. 

So naturally, as a young boy, I was heavily influenced by that lifestyle, you see the glamour of it and not the actual reality. At that age, they appeared to have all the money, the girls and the power. I couldn’t wait to start sending guys to the shop. They showed us the importance of loyalty, taught us how to move correctly, how to defend ourselves, and showed love to people they barely knew.

From them, I learned a lot which I still apply today: for example the importance of entrepreneurship. In year 7 I started selling sweets, getting to the point of making an average of £10-20 a day. I started doing events at university, starting a contracting business and e-commerce business. They taught me never to gossip, so I’ve always avoided the kitchen talks at work, which I’ve seen land a lot of people in trouble. I was exposed to real violence so a director shouting could never scare me, work deadlines are not real pressure to me. I was taught to always have a safety net, I put mine in index funds. I’ve watched them and thought about legal ways I could do the same. 

But from them, I have also had to unlearn a lot. I grew up thinking it was cool to be a ladies man, never really processing the way we are hurting our sisters. This is something I have only recently truly understood. In chasing money I have missed out on precious time with friends and family but also wasted on clothes and jewellery. In trying to take short cuts I almost lost my MSc degree.

The true reality of that road lifestyle doesn’t get spoken about enough – only a few make it out clean. The majority ends in three ways… 1. you realise you were not built for that life and go legit 2. dead 3. in jail. If we don’t help our communities this cycle will keep on repeating itself. 

Why did I look up to them? Because they defined “cool”, and were accessible. So if we want to break this cycle we have to reinvent what cool is, and try and be active in our communities.

In order to re-define cool, we need to carry ourselves knowing that there are people that will follow in our footsteps. Don’t get comfortable: we need to raise up and push on until we hit the highest heights possible in all areas of our lives. We need to step up, it’s not enough to be doing well, we need to be the best we can be. I’ve been guilty of getting complacent, I started doing okay and felt like I can chill. But I have realised now there is so much further I need to take it, and I promise you I will. 

I’ve seen a lot of us that start doing well, get that little corporate role or a business idea takes off, and instead of reaching back and helping others they want to disassociate themselves from the problem. That might be cool for them, but to me, the real value is in how many people you can put positively influence. Buying bottles in the club is not sharing my success.

We need to become the heroes our community needs and stop waiting for someone else to come and save us.

We need to engage with our community and help as many as we can. We can’t save everyone, but let’s do what we can. If you’re scared for your safety, do it through a charity (Chance UK, I’ve personally worked with them in the past) or with a friend. From my experience when people see you’re genuine they will welcome you with open arms. You might ask why should I even care, just think where you would be if you had the you that you are today or the you that you have the potential to be.

This year has taught me how many people are looking towards me. It wasn’t something I was really ever conscious of. But now that I am, I have got to show them the right way. I will make mistakes but I will also keep trying. The whole reason I wrote the £17,000 to 6 figures, wasn’t to stunt or flex, I wanted to show some of the youngsters in my area that we are not limited to what we have seen in our environment.

So if you want to change the stories, start by becoming one the heroes your community needs.

  • Find a charity to support either with resources or time.
  • Mentor someone at risk.
  • Be accessible/ Visible in your community.
  • Become the best you possible. People are watching you.
  • Focus on the work that needs to be done, criticising rarely changes anything.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Rossevelt