In the famous words of Jay-Z, “A loss ain’t a loss it’s a lesson. Appreciate the pain it’s a blessing”.
Winning teaches us nothing; winning too much can even be a bad thing, like having something sweet all the time will eventually rot your teeth. It’s the losses that make us grow – Leke A
Pitfalls allow us to build character and develop ways to overcome. Winning can lead to complacency and how do you know how far you can go without being pushed. – E Osei
In this post, I will explore some of my biggest L’s in life and the lessons I learned.
- At 17, I withdrew a large sum of money and lost it all during a work shift.
I had been working all year with the idea of treating myself for my 17th birthday. The day before I decided to withdraw the cash from my bank account – I just liked the idea of having cash in my hand. I went to work, and instead of putting the money in my locker I put it in my combat trouser pockets. I spent that whole shift thinking about what I’m going to spend my money on. Work ended and I tapped my pockets only to find the money was gone. It must have dropped out of my pockets while I was working. I felt sick and was sweating profusely, I was walking around everywhere looking for it but I knew it was gone. I went to my supervisor to get him to make an announcement, he asked me how much I lost, when I told him he just burst out laughing. I knew I wasn’t seeing that money again, I just came home and cried like the pic below.
Lesson learnt: Things don’t always work out the way we think, and never carry large sums of cash on you.
- Stabbed in my leg over a Nokia 3310.
I was visiting a friend in Tottenham on a school night which I shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. It was late when I decided to go home. I jumped on the 123 bus and took the stairs to the top deck. There was literally a group of 5 guys, I should have just turned around and walked downstairs, but I decided to go sit down in the only available seat which was basically near them. One of them came and asked what ends I was from, and what the time was. These are the questions they ask when they are about to rob you. They asked me for my phone, I had just gotten a 3310 and I wasn’t giving it up for anything. After a little back on forth with one of them, he punched me in my leg (or so I thought) and they all ran off. There was a sharp pain in my leg I looked down to see I was bleeding. Luckily, it wasn’t anything too serious. But that’s a situation I never should have put myself in. My life was worth more than a 3310, and I can’t even tell you where that phone is now.
Lesson Learnt: Pride can get you hurt, and you always have the option to walk anyway.
- Almost losing my MSc
This one was probably the hardest on here to write about, as its been something that I’ve only shared with a few people, but yes I got complacent and almost lost the MSc that I paid for myself. You see when I applied for my MSc I was desperate to change my circumstances and I felt that I needed the MSc to do that. During the first year I was laser focused on track for a distinction, but as time went on I started to get the things I wanted. I started contracting and was earning triple my salary compared to when I started. I also realised that the MSc wasn’t really required for my field, and with added family issues and the loss of loved ones in a short space of time, my drive was gone. I started to have a very blase attitude about the whole thing and became complacent. I struggled to do my dissertation, and completed it how I saw fit, not to their requirements. I started to think their ways are outdated, which maybe was partly true, but they were marking it. I had a hearing about my dissertation and something I thought was minor was becoming a serious issue. After some back and forth the issue was resolved, but it was a humbling lesson. Sometimes we act like we don’t care about something, be it job, relationship or even a thing, but let that be taken away from you and see how fast your attitude changes.
Lesson Learnt: If you take shortcuts, prepare to have your ends cut.
- Not checking in on loved ones until it’s too late.
Over the last 2 years, I lost family members extremely close to me. The part that hurts the most in not appreciating them more while they were here. I had so many opportunities to travel to Ghana to see my grandma or making that trip to see my aunt, cousin and uncle.To the point I felt ashamed crying. But it reinforced the importance of checking in on your loved ones while they are here.
Lesson Learnt: Give people their flowers while they can still smell them.
- Getting stunted on in Miami
I had just turned 21 and decided to go to Miami with a couple of my friends, my cousin said I needed to take a minimum of £5000 spending money. I definitely didn’t have it like that, but I decided to go with my coins and have a good time.
I quickly realised my cousin wasn’t lying. We went to the clubs and we were stunted on big time. If you’re not on a table in Miami forget about it! Our female friends even ducked us when we got into the club, they left us standing in the middle of the dance floor waiting for them like some losers. I was in Club Liv watching people spend my annual salary on a night out. That was the closest I’ve got to feeling like a hater. But I just came back and got motivated.
Lesson Learnt: Respect, where you are in life, don’t put yourself in positions you’re not ready for.
- Letting success get to my head.
The first year of contracting I definitely lost composure I found myself spending like there was no tomorrow. I found it hard to keep grounded, needed a table to every time I stepped out. Playing card roulette with my friends and was getting whatever I wanted. I felt like nobody could tell me anything, I was acting out of character. Loved ones felt they couldn’t tell me anything because I was handling things financially. I had a few real life situations hit me back to back before I realised I was acting out of character and made the necessary adjustments.
Lesson Learnt: Your blessed with more to give more, stay humble or life will humble you.
- Lending money to family
“Fam, I will pay you back with interest”. These were the exact words I heard from a family member asking me for £1000. I was in my final year and decided not to work to focus on my exams and coursework. My money was low, and I had no source of income real-life budgeting. But I felt I had to help, I didn’t really care about the interest, it was more about helping the family. But they had no intention of paying me back, not sure if it was because they couldn’t or didn’t want to. But I put myself in a bad situation. Fortunately, I managed to survive, but I can’t pretend it didn’t affect our relationship. I was mad at him but the reality is I put myself in that situation.
Lesson Learnt: Don’t give more than your prepared to lose, and learn how to say no.
- Tearing a muscle in my back.
I was in Year 11 and my school were bringing back sports day for the first time in 5 years. I was down to compete in the 200m and was determined to win it. The day before I went to the train with Jeremy who was considered the fastest in the school. We raced and I beat him, so now my confidence is at an all-time high. The day of the race everyone is stretching, but I wasn’t trying to do all of that, my confidence was so high I didn’t feel like I needed too (I was posing in front of the girls instead). The race started, I got off to a great start, I was already planning my celebration in my mind. But something happened on the final 100m, I felt a muscle in my back rip. The pain was unreal I fell to the ground and couldn’t move. I was rushed to the hospital. I had torn a muscle in my back, I was told I would recover but would never operate on the same level as I did before, my basketball dreams were gone. All because I was acting cocky.
Lesson Learnt: All that stunting will cost you, and confidence can give you false hope.
- Not contracting earlier
I had a lot of fear about contracting, what if I am not good enough, what if the contract ends and what if I can’t get another one. I focused so much on the risk of failing that I didn’t even consider the idea of succeeding. Had I started earlier, I could have done so much more. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that they didn’t let the idea of failing stop them.
Lesson Learnt – Better to try and fail than to live with regret.
- Arguing with my Dad
I had just gotten my ears pierced, but was hiding it from my parents by wearing headphones whenever I was in the house. Just for context, men getting their ear pierced was taboo in some Ghanaian households. My Dad was telling off one of my brothers, I ran down to see what was happening, I’ve always been protective of my brothers. But my Dad didn’t like the way I entered the room. To be fair I was 16 and started thinking I was a big man. He told me to take off my headphones. I knew if I took them off it was game over, so I decided to walk away, this only intensified the situation. I ran to my room and pulled my earrings out, the pain was intense, but at least they wouldn’t know. He walked in and things escalated so fast. For years the relationship was damaged, fortunately after some time we were able to rebuild our relationship and it’s now stronger than it’s ever been. But sometimes I reflect about the time lost, and how that day change the dynamics in the household. Definitely not one of my proudest moments. And worse of all earrings didn’t even suit me.
Lesson Learnt – Honour your parents, one bad decision can have huge impacts.
Once you deal with the initial pain of a loss you have the opportunity to reflect and learn from it, turning that loss into a lesson. As long as that’s your mindset you never really lose. But writing this made me recognise that most of these L’s are self inflicted. I need to start making better decisions. I will review in 5 years to see if I’ve actually learned my lessons.
I encourage you all to reflect on your so called losses and find the lessons inside of them.